Our older son’s graduation Friday night took about twelve hours – give or take ten. For those of you attending graduations with hundreds crossing the stage, two hours may not seem like a long time. But his class had only sixty-six. Fortunately, I caught myself finding ways to stay interested and learned something about all of us.
The school honored each student fully, summarizing accomplishments and activities and honors, plus mentioning scholarships and college plans. The dean of academics would call the graduate’s name and then start telling us about him or her.
The graduate would start from off the stage to our left, pass by two faculty who were placing the golden cords on those graduating with honors (cum laude including the magna and suma varieties), climb steps to the stage, be congratulated by two people, possibly the school president and board chairman, receive a diploma from the principal, get a picture with the principal, walk to the stairs on the right, and have one class sponsor move the tassel on the cap while the other shook the graduate’s hand. The graduate then walked behind the senior class rows, moving from right to left, entered his or her row, crossed, and then sat down.
Generally the dean finished the accolades by the time the graduate was close to sitting, but a few times there was just so much to say the graduate was seated for quite a while before the spotlight shifted. Our son graduated near the beginning, so I was only minimally interested in the procession after that.
I found myself noticing how the description of accomplishments was written for each graduate. Some were similar but were phrased in different ways. Some had details about being second team all-district in his or her sport, while others who were more accomplished athletes only had the all-state honors mentioned. I wondered if the dean, who is also an honors English and literature teacher with a doctorate, wrote or edited the presentation. I imagined what it would be like to try to make each one unique, not just a cookie-cutter sort of template, to speak in a unique way about each graduate while trying – yes, I assume she was trying – to stay concise.
Earlier in the program, I caught myself critiquing the speeches. Not criticizing, not being harsh, but thinking about how different parts worked and wondering if the speaker could tell in advance how certain portions would be received. The featured speaker was uncomfortable in presenting, but he had followed a structure that used descriptive stories about people to help him make his points along the way, so he kept the audience involved through his words. The salutatorian’s speech was brief and friendly. He told a story about his final days at school with details to bring us in and help us relate. The class president was jocular, personally addressing some people and using a light-hearted and comfortable presence to capture the audience.
The valedictorian started out with lots of platitudes and a few quotes about setting goals and striving, and I strived to stay tuned in. About halfway through she finally got to her personal comments and stories. She told us about her mediocre grades in middle school and how she realized she would have to do much better to be able to attend the college of her choice. She also let us know that giving the speech was an enormous challenge for her, since her talents are in mathematics and engineering, not words or public presentations. I could relate to her as a person. At that point I actually thought to myself, There’s the hook! If I had been helping her with her format, I would have told her to start there, reduce the number of platitudes, and sprinkle them through the story portion.
What I was doing during the graduation ceremony was expressing my natural way of being. I look for patterns in events to bring them together into story, connecting them to symbols or known tales, which are also patterns. I look for ways to structure the flow of information. I look for words and phrases that capture the essence of something and carry it to the listener, or the reader, in a way that is easy to digest. I look for relevance, and I listen for the main point.
I distill experiences into understandable stories. I look for powerful, moving, and descriptive words to be the vehicle for the story. I seek to understand and then to communicate in a way that others will understand. And the focus of my exploration is on the personal aspect of human experiences.
Noticing this about myself was a powerful realization which adds to the understanding of calling and career I wrote about in a previous post. At that time, I understood that a calling is the way we are drawn to express our natural gifts, talents, and passions for our full development and the benefit of others. I understood that this points us to career options, where we can express our calling in the work we do and how we serve others. Within a career, there are many different job, self-employment, or small business options to choose.
I now realize there is a higher layer, the natural way of being. Barbara Sher has defined each person’s calling as simply developing our natural gifts, talents, and passions, while others have defined calling as serving either a higher spiritual purpose or the betterment of mankind through our gifts. I think they are closely related but separate. I think our natural way of being flows from our natural gifts, talents, and passions, how we see the world and interact with information and people. This is how we are going to be; we do not choose it. But we have to choose to follow our calling. We experience a calling when we see how we can serve others and help improve their lives by sharing our unique abilities and perspective. We answer the calling when we commit to doing that. And we experience the greatest joy, fulfillment, and contentment when we follow our calling.
Each of us expresses our natural way of being without thinking about it or intending to do it. In fact, I can’t really turn mine off. I can tone it down, choosing less intensity and structure in my process of pulling elements together into related themes to convey in story, but I can’t get away from it.
But a calling is different. I can fail to follow mine if I am not intentional in my choices.
My calling, the way I want to serve others and better the human experience through my natural way of being, is to ignite hearts and inspire others to do the same. If I follow my calling, I develop my innate gifts, talents, and passions and use them in a positive way.
If I don’t focus intentionally on my calling, I still find themes and connect them into stories, but in a way that doesn’t serve my own improvement or the betterment of others. I find myself being cynical, harsh, or critical of other people, organizations, institutions, cultures, and even entire historical epochs. Unguided by my calling, my natural way of being leaves me frustrated and irritable.
May You Know the Joy of Sharing Your Gifts,
Steve Coxsey
Authentic Life Work & Self-Employment Coach